Articles

Reduce Your Anxiety by Taking Chances

Avoidance: Fueling the Fire of Anxiety

It is human nature to want to avoid things that feel unpleasant or uncomfortable.  For example, if you were electrocuted every time you touched your toaster, would you keep your finger on it?  I’m guessing that you’d pull away.  We are wired to respond to our environment and learn ways of avoiding anxiety, pain or discomfort, as it has helped us to survive.  

 

I can think of many people who seem to actually love the adrenaline that comes with risk and/or pain, and have no difficulties with the inherent uncertainty that comes from taking chances.  But this is probably not the crowd who would be prone to the type of anxiety I am talking about here.

 

How Avoidance Contributes to AnxietyCycle of Avoidance & Anxiety

In the case of people who do struggle with certain types of anxiety, an association is established where a place or situation is seen as a threat, and avoided at all costs.  For someone with social anxiety, for example, there is usually a core fear of being judged by others, and so that person will avoid situations where there is a possibility for this to happen (parties, dating, job interviews).

 

But this approach can cause problems in the long-term.  As people avoid, the associated fear grows stronger.  Avoidance perpetuates the fear because it leads to reduced confidence in their ability to deal with the situation next time.  It keeps them stuck in the cycle and prevents progress from being made, as they are not allowing the chance to prove themselves wrong.

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What is Your “Love Language”?

You may have heard your friends talk about it at a dinner party.  Or you may have seen it written in a relationship column somewhere.  Love Languages – what’s it all about?

This concept comes from the influential work of Dr. Gary Chapman and his book, The 5 Love Languages, which has become a staple in the world of couples counselling (and has since been extended to other relationships as well).  According to Dr. Chapman, one of the main issues between couples stems from our tendency to speak different ‘Love Languages’ than our partner.

 

The 5 Love Languages

Let me explain.  According to this theory, there are five Love Languages, or ways that we communicate love.  Most of us have one or two that for us, best indicate a gesture of love.  These include:  acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch, and although they are distinct categories, how they are defined are quite personal.  To give you a better understand of how they are different, below are some examples:

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7 Tips for Managing Anger

Anger is a powerful emotion that many individuals struggle with.  When we are angry, we disconnect from the caring part of ourselves that is able to show empathy and understanding for another person.  The result is often saying or doing things that are damaging to ourselves or to those closest to us.

 

The good news is that anger doesn’t have to control your life – there are very specific skills that can be learned and implemented with practice.  My top 7 tips for managing anger are below to help get you started on a more peaceful path.

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Rebuilding after an Affair

An affair is one of the most difficult situations a relationship may face.  It almost always involves feelings of hurt, betrayal, and violation of trust to one or both parties.  After an affair is disclosed or discovered, couples are left to determine what is left of their relationship.  They must decide whether to pick up the pieces and rebuild, or begin the process of separating and moving beyond the pain. Read more

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